Trust will either make you or break you. Unfortunately, I’ve experienced more of the breaking than I care to admit.
I genuinely believe in people, that’s my gift and my curse. I’d look out for people’s blind spots, especially the people I loved, because that’s how I thought relationships worked. If I saw you slipping, I’d pull your coat, talk you honestly, but with love, because I didn’t want you to get caught out there.
Then somewhere along the line, I learned the hard truth, not everyone returns the favor. Some people don’t protect your weak spots they actually target them. After learning this, it made me, question myself, and the people closest to me. I felt like a sucka for believing in them.
I was a fun out going extrovert. Now, after a lot of bad moments. I’m a proud and happy introvert. That doesn’t mean I hate people. I just needed healing from the ones who abused my trust. Folks I once loved with my whole chest twisted that love for money, attention, control and some just silly childish pride. After taking action and falling back from them. A few needed me to be the villain so they could avoid accountability. If that works for them, I’m good with it.
To keep things moving forward, I still forgave them.
My forgiveness doesn’t mean, we can be cool again. I can’t go back to trusting them like before. That bridge burned, and I watched it fall brick by brick. Like I said, I still love them, but now I watch them like I watch a stranger in the street, with caution and distance.
What really hurts is them knowing I never would’ve done them like that. I’ve never snaked anyone close to me. Not since I was 17, when I made a mistake, I still regret, to this day. That’s how seriously I take being a good friend, a good family member. Because being a good person? Is the hardest thing in the world to be. That’s why so many people choose the easier route.
Some of the people who hurt me aren’t even fully “bad” they’re just not fit to be mess with at all. Me, I take full responsibility for ignoring the red flags. I was to arrogant, thinking, “They wouldn’t do me like they did that person.” the joke was on me. Just remember “everybody plays the fool sometimes”.
Days keep passing and finally, I wrote about these things not to vent, but to process, grow, and maybe help someone else going thru the same situation. Including the people who did me wrong. Whether they admit it or not, I know they know I’m telling the truth. Facts don’t need any cosigns.
Some even tried to flip the script and make me look like I was the problem. But deep down, they know if they ever needed me, I’d still show up, no questions asked. That’s who I always been and will continue to be.
Being honest that’s what hurts the most. It’s why I feel empathy for them knowing their to weak to be strong. The face they portray to the world is just a protective mask.
Everything that happened, I accept it now. I’ve shut off in some ways, not out of bitterness, but because growth requires boundaries. I can’t keep pouring into people who only show up with straws. Thirsty and ready to drain my energy.
God knew I could carry this weight and I’m turning it into something useful. So here I am still standing, still loving, still writing. Not perfect, not pain-free, but honest. Maybe I went through this so someone else wouldn’t feel alone in similar situations.
I once wrote:
“I don’t give up, I have the heart of a fighter,
God saw me paying attention, so He made me a writer.
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